The Look (content in English)

Close translation from my original Japanese language post
She looked at my coldly. “Katzman will never get well.” Perhaps the hospital worker was thinking this.

In a hospital, 10% of people do not get well. I am among those who 10% who will not recover.

I felt that the expression in her eyes was cold. I felt hurt, and yet the intelligence she reflected was not untrue.

Please do not be cruel. Can the acknowledgement of an unfortunate circumstance be separated from the perception of cruelty?



English language version
I noticed my "change in my status" reflected in the eyes of people in the hospital. Most people are sympathetic and kind. But it seems to me that when some people realize that they are looking at someone who will not recover from the illness, especially a hospital worker whose job involves sick people, a strange look comes into their eyes. Most patients in a hospital recover; 10% do not, according to a source who is a registered nurse.

I have never worked in a hospital. I imagine that part of the job is identification. For example, is this a doctor, or a patient? Frail or strong? What is the illness? Is a wheelchair needed?

And sometimes that status is read with something like cruelty or coldness. It was that calculated coldness that made me feel angry and sad. It was a look that I felt said, "You are doomed, expendable, worthless for the future. Our hospital cannot cure you."